Pillar 05: Finances

Money is one of the most important and tangible aspects in our lives, and yet it’s often the area of our lives most riddled with problems.

I’m not saying that everyone has money problems. But many of us have problems with money. We think about money constantly. We worry about it, chase it, spend it, argue about it. But very few people stop to ask a few fundamental questions: 

• Why do I spend, save, and give the way I do?

• What story is my spending telling about what I value?

• And most importantly, is the way I handle money shaping me into the person I want to become, or is it pulling me in a direction I didn’t choose?

Your spending is not neutral. It’s a mirror. And like every other area we have explored in this Pillar series, it will either reflect intentionality or it will reflect drift.

The Wealth Illusion

There is a pervasive belief in our culture that having more money will solve our problems. We say things like: 

• If I just made a little more, I could finally get ahead. 

• If I just had more margin, I would start saving. 

• If I just hit a certain number, I would feel secure.

Morgan Housel makes a compelling observation in The Psychology of Money: wealth is what you do not see. It is the car not bought, the house not upgraded, the purchase not made. The people who build real financial health are rarely the ones who look wealthy. They are the ones who consistently live below their means, often for years and decades, without anyone noticing.

This runs counter to almost everything our culture tells us. Social media is a highlight reel of consumption. New cars, houses, vacations, watches, designer clothing. The message, whether spoken or implied, is that the good life is the one with more stuff.

And the internet is flooded with people promising to show you how to get there fast: get rich quick schemes, side hustle culture, crypto plays, passive income gurus. The irony is that most of these exist to make the person selling them rich, not you. The real money in the "how to get rich" industry is in selling the dream, not delivering it.

The truth is less exciting but far more effective: spend less than you make, be consistent over a long period of time, and align your financial habits with what you actually value. That is not a sexy formula but it works. And it works precisely because it is boring enough to sustain.

What a Cross-Country Move Taught Us

When my wife and I moved from Connecticut to California, I received a solid raise. On paper, it looked like a financial upgrade, but in reality, the cost of living swallowed the increase and then some.

That season forced us to look honestly at our spending. We discovered that while we were not frivolous with our spending, some of our spending was on stuff we did not need. It was not reckless spending, it was the quiet, incremental kind that adds up without you noticing until the margin disappears.

So we tightened things up. We got more consistent with budgeting. We started saving, even when the amount felt small. And over time, that consistency compounded.

But here is the part that no one talks about: it was not a straight line. We would build savings, and then a car would need replacing and the balance would drop. Then we would start again. Build it back up, and then an unexpected expense would hit. And the cycle would repeat.

That pattern has continued for years. Some seasons have been better than others. But the lesson we’ve learned is that consistency over time is more realistic and more achievable than hoping for a sudden windfall. The person who saves a little bit every month for 20 years is in a different position than the person who keeps waiting for the big break. Not because the saver had more to work with. Because they stayed faithful with what they had.

For The Person Who is Legitimately Struggling

I also want to acknowledge something. Not everyone reading this has the luxury of choosing between saving and spending on something discretionary. Some of you are working hard and still falling short every month. The math just isn’t mathing, and no amount of budgeting discipline changes the fact that your income is not enough for your reality right now.

This post is not meant to guilt you. The stewardship principle applies to you just as it does with someone with more discretionary funds, because stewardship is not about having a lot and managing it well. It’s about being faithful with whatever you have, even when what you have feels very small. The person stretching a tight paycheck to feed their family is stewarding. The person choosing between two bills and picking the one that protects their kids is stewarding. That is not failure. That is faithfulness under pressure.

If that is your situation, the question is not “Why can’t I get ahead?” The question is “Am I being as intentional as I can with what I actually have right now?” Sometimes the answer is yes (although not always), and the constraint is genuinely outside your control. And that is okay. Living on purpose does not require abundance. It requires honesty about where you are and faithfulness within the constraints you have.

Financial Gurus and Frameworks

Over the years, my wife and I have tried different financial frameworks. We took Financial Peace University early in our marriage, and while I appreciate a lot of what Dave Ramsey teaches, especially the discipline of spending less than you earn, I do not subscribe to every piece of his philosophy. There are lots of other good books on finance (some better and some worse), and many of them offer something useful.

In general, the specific system is less important than the consistency you put in behind it. Budgeting faithfully over time is more important than finding the perfect method. The best financial plan is the one you actually follow.

For us, that has looked like living on less than we make, budgeting with intention, saving for large purchases rather than financing them, contributing to retirement, setting aside money for our daughter's college, and paying off credit card balances every month. None of that is flashy and most of it is invisible. And that is exactly the point.

Because financial alignment is not about accumulation. It is about making sure your money is going where your values say it should. And when there is a gap between the two, money is a common place where the misalignment shows up.

Generosity as a Feature, Not a Bug

One of the financial habits that has shaped our lives the most is giving. My wife and I have given to our local church and to nonprofits for the entirety of our marriage. And I want to be clear about why.

It is not because giving earns favor. It is not because it makes us feel virtuous. It is because generosity and giving reorients how you and I see money. When you give consistently, money stops being something you hoard and starts being something you steward. It reminds you that your finances are not just about you.

There is something that shifts in your posture when you hold money with open hands. You become less anxious about it. Less controlled by it. Less defined by whether you have enough compared to the person next to you.

I think God designed generosity to be a blessing to both the giver and the receiver. Not as an obligation, but as an invitation into a bigger story than your own financial security. And in my experience, the seasons where we have been most generous have also been the seasons where money has had the least power over us.

For those of you who do have discretionary income but feel like there’s no margin, you may say, “I don’t have any margin to give.” And for a few of you that may be true to some extent based on your current situation. But I would challenge you to reconsider your assumptions and evaluate if you truly can’t versus you can’t based on your current level of discretionary spending.

A Tool, Not a Trophy

This topic of financial stewardship connects to what we explored in Core 05: Constraints produce clarity. Money is one of the clearest examples of that principle.

The person with limited income who budgets intentionally and gives generously is living with more financial alignment than the person earning three times as much who spends without thinking. Alignment isn’t about a number, it’s about whether your financial habits reflect what you say matters.

After a certain point, more money does not produce more happiness. Research from behavioral economists like Daniel Kahneman has consistently shown that beyond a threshold where basic needs and reasonable comforts are met, additional income has diminishing returns on well-being. Beyond that threshold, more money tends to become about accumulation for its own sake. And accumulation without purpose is just another form of drift.

So the question is not "How do I make more money?"

The better question is: "Is the way I handle money aligned with the life I say I want to live?"

You do not need a perfect budget. You do not need to follow one financial guru's system to the letter. You need financial habits that are consistent enough to compound and intentional enough to reflect your actual values.

Financial stewardship is not ultimately about the money. It’s about the kind of person your financial habits are forming you into. Every spending decision, every act of generosity, every moment of discipline is quietly shaping your character, whether you notice it or not.

Money is a tool. Steward it like one.